Babyloss

Making assumptions after babyloss

grascale photography of toddlers foot

Many assumptions and comments can be made about life after babyloss and while most probably coming from a meaningful place, it can still hurt and be unnecessary.

Grieving is very individual, even couples can grieve differently from one another and there isn’t a right way to do it.

One assumption is that bereaved parents will want to get pregnant again, possibly quickly. And some parents do, this is right for them. Other parents will eventually get pregnant again but they don’t want to think about it straightaway or fertility support may be needed for pregnancy to happen.

Comments after babyloss can be thoughtless

babyloss

We received a mix of comments from people. As it was our third child who died, it was assumed by some that we wouldn’t need/want to have another baby. Others suggested we try for another baby straight away, as if that would somehow plug the gap in our grief.

Deciding to have another baby after loss is such a personal, emotional decision for parents. I wrestled with it a lot in the months and initial years after our son died. But then a late period and the terror that came with that helped me see that the decision was actually quite clear cut – I was done and I didn’t want another baby.

While many people do try to say the right thing after a miscarriage, stillbirth or babyloss, some comments are pretty thoughtless and just don’t need saying. If you are unsure what to say to someone, perhaps just say nothing or say you are so sorry for their loss or ask if there is anything you can do for them. Anything but assume and comment on their situation and what could be good for them because that is rarely helpful.

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Working with parents since 2002

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This entry was posted in: Babyloss

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An experienced specialist in pregnancy, birth & early parenting, I have worked with parents since 2002. I am based in the North East so I regularly work with parents from Newcastle, Northumberland, Gateshead and across North Tyneside. Face-to-face sessions will continue with North East parents but digital courses and online sessions means I can work with parents everywhere.