All posts filed under: Let’s talk about being a parent

parent blogger newcastle and tyneside

Mental Health And Being A Parent

Parenting comes with a range of emotions and feelings, it is so unique for each of us. Good support, reassurance, talking, reaching out and honesty can make a huge difference to how we feel and how we cope – sometimes there are solutions, sometimes there are not. pride uncertainty confidence anxiety depression unmotivated fiesty empowered afraid isolated supported vulnerable strong despair selfless frustration love laughter lack of confidence overwhelming love able low mood unable anger calm fulfilled lost grief happiness love family selfish alone confused emotional love organised challenged in control responsible heartache out of control tense relaxed whole complete love overwhelmed sad afraid joy instinctive envious brave connected disconnected guilt love content struggling included satisfied ok excluded trapped grown-up tired failure energised fine focused loved clouded helpless powerful unhappy ignored hope The intensity and severity of these feelings will be different for every parent. For some, the negatives are fleeting but for others they are consuming and more support may be needed, although talking it through and getting a boost is always worthwhile. A …

Why a birth debrief matters…

It’s a chance to talk through and make sense of the birth of your baby, which may have been different from your expectations or it may have left you feeling upset or in shock. There is no set time to have a birth debrief session, I see parents at different points after the birth of a baby‚Ķ you might want to talk it through during the first weeks or months when it is fresh in your mind you could be thinking about having another baby but the birth is still weighing on your mind or you might be pregnant again and in need of a debrief before you can prepare properly for birth again. Talking through birth is a huge part of my postnatal sessions, and I work with a lot of parents on a one-to-one basis to talk it through in greater detail. It really helps to be open and honest about how you are feeling, maybe saying things to me that you wouldn’t share with anyone else for fear of worrying them. Birth …

Mothers and the emotional load

Much is written about the motherload – the organising of children’s schedules and the household, – but let’s focus on the emotional load for a second – feeling responsible for, monitoring and worrying about your child’s wellbeing and development. It’s a huge load to carry, it takes time and investment and it can be overwhelming and exhausting. It’s part of the parenting package, it is crucial to older children and teenagers yet it is another invisible role often of mothers although I am sure plenty of dads take this on as well. Children always need our time and attention, as parents we need to listen to what they are really saying through, often through their actions rather than their words. And this is vital as children get older and then become teenagers – we often need to be their cheerleader, their counsellor, their life coach and their personal assistant (in addition to taxi driver, cook and entertainment’s officer) for them and their friends. This role starts when we carry our newborn baby when they need …

Loneliness of Motherhood

Having young children is not all about coffee shops and idle chatter. It is not a holiday. It can be one of the toughest times in a woman’s life. The loneliness can be torture. With your first child, the learning curve is steep – learning to keep a baby settled, soothed and alive while recovering from pregnancy, birth and unrealistic expectations of how motherhood would be. We are often sleep deprived, in need of supportive mum friends and it can feel like we are on our own with the day-to-day responsibilities of looking after our baby. In our society mothers are often judged, with unreal expectations stacked against them and their children. It can be a hard slog. When you become a mother it doesn’t matter what job you do, how old you are or how much you spent in Mothercare preparing for your baby’s arrival – you have a baby to look after and it can knock your confidence when they cry, need a poo, won’t sleep and won’t settle anywhere but in your …

surviving the death of your child

I have written lots of posts about Jamie, my boy who died when he was three days old. I have written about my pregnancy and his short life but I have never really written about living with babyloss – carrying on, coping strategies, mental health, triggers, just getting on without my third child. It is never something we just get over but living with it is something so many parents have to do after miscarriage, after stillbirth, after neonatal death, after cot death, after an accident or an illness. These posts may be helpful, even comforting, to other bereaved parents and I would like to share your stories of your life after the death of your child. I am now 11 years into life without my third child – it hasn’t always been easy, it isn’t always easy, he is constantly missed and his death changed me and our family, in ways I can’t adequately describe.   Jamie’s story… At my 20 week we discovered that something wasn’t quite right with his stomach – a …