Tara wrote this for me months ago but it got lost in the world of emails – I am still publishing it now because it’s still relevant and it’s an important short post about juggling kids, about feeling stretched, about snapping…
I’ve just screamed at my 5 year old. I opened the bedroom door from where I am trying to get our almost 3 year old (going on 18 months) to nap. I opened the door, yelled at his little shocked face and shut it again abruptly.
This is the Easter holidays, sorry hellidays… you know all those people posting on social media about their “blessed” moments with their cherubs who are normally at school and how wonderful their “precious” time together is? Yeah, that’s not me. Maybe they normally work and have taken some well deserved (or necessary, childcare ain’t cheap) time off to spend time with their kids but for a stay at home/ full time carer it’s not a bonus to have yet more time with the kids.
He’s done just enough Holiday club to make me not quite feel guilty (2 mornings per week….to be honest I could have pushed for a few more but I’d rather he watched my tv for free….) and she’s been in her usual nursery but, fuck me, this is HARD.
You possibly know by now if you read this blog that our daughter has severe developmental delay, what you maybe don’t know – though if you have met a child ever you will – is my son is the opposite, has the vocabulary of an 8 (or 24) year old and Does. Not. Stop. Talking.
It’s not fair really. I think I would have far more energy for him if his sister could talk or do more than scream at me and whinge constantly, leaving me guessing what is wrong and what she wants now. I once thought I might be able to home school my kids (the last 2 years of her condition have ruled that out completely) but that’s a distant memory.
I need a break (I’ve just been on a solo holiday a month ago and I need another one), I need a sofa, a good book and a cup of tea….scratch that: G&T….
I need to not be getting to the point where screaming “what do you want? How hard is it to be quiet for 15 minutes while I get your sister down??!” is what I resort to.
But we all do it. It’s not easy this parenting shit. So the easter holidays can do one, as can everyone who is lying on social media about how glorious it is. It’s pissed it down for almost 2 weeks, the parks are bogs, the softplays are bedlam and I can’t wait for school to start again.
Oh listen to that, he’s calling me again, time to turn my happy face on and apologise for shouting. Again.