Several years ago my newborn son died during heart surgery. The surgical team each came to see us to say how sorry they were. The heart surgeon explained everything to us and we somehow made our way home.
A few years later, during a postnatal session I was running, we got talking about partners and one of the mums said her husband was an anaesthetist in the paediatric heart unit. We chatted some more and she described how much he loves his job but working with babies is hard. She went on to describe one baby that has always stayed with him, it was meant to be a short surgery but turned into one that was much longer as there were unexpected complications. He met the family afterwards and it hit the team hard.
My eyes filled with tears as I told her I think that might have been my son.
It meant a lot to know that a loss, which is so personal and isolating, meant something to someone else.
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I have worked with parents since 2002, inspired by the birth of my first baby. The birth of my second baby encouraged me to train as a birth doula and my third baby gave me a determination to work with parents in a more personalised way.
I have never really written publicly about Jamie but I have decided to write more about my experience of grief, recovery and life after childloss.
antenatal & postnatal specialist 