All posts filed under: Babyloss

babyloss awareness

Living with babyloss

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It has been 14 years since he was born. 14 years since he arrived at speed and entered his short life filled with a medical world of tubes and surgery. In pregnancy there was never a moment where we didn’t consider giving him every chance but occasionally, on reflection, I do wonder if we did the right thing by him. Rightly or wrongly, giving him every chance has helped me deal with his death. I am writing this the night before his birthday when there should be party plans and last minute wrapping but there has never been any of this. We never got the chance to discover his personality, he never got the chance to be a pain in the arse for his two older sisters, I have never had any cuddles, kisses or I love yous from him. Losing a child has meant the deepest grief and pain, along with a guilt about how this has affected my other children who were raised by a mother who struggled with anxiety, depression and PTSD. …

Babyloss stories

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I asked parents for their babyloss stories – these are raw and graphic but this is the reality for many parents so I wanted to share these stories, in parents’ own words. These babyloss stories are real and varied… “My first loss was at 13weeks, it was my first pregnancy and we attended our scan with a leap in our step and so much love in our hearts. We’d planned and tried and were very lucky to fall pregnant within a month! As they started the scan, my heart sank and there was no movement, just a grey baby laid still. The room went silent and we heard the words ‘I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat’ I think my world broke a little right there. We sobbed as they told us I’d suffered a ‘missed miscarriage’ unfortunately to us there was nothing missed about it, we were utterly heartbroken. I birthed our baby the day after with the lovely support of the midwife. However I wished someone had told me that when the time came it …

cuddling a newborn

Stillbirth and Covid

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“At St George’s, a teaching hospital in south London, stillbirths rose from 2.38 per 1,000 births pre-pandemic, to 9.31 per 1,000 births between Feb 1 and June 14.”The Times, September 30th This is a truly heartbreaking statistic. According to SANDS: Every day in the UK 14 babies die before, during or shortly after birth – and I remember reading about concerns that the stillbirth rate would increase during lockdown. There will be more to learn about why stillbirths increased during this time but, during lockdown, maternity units were more restricted and guidance changed weekly. There was concern among pregnant women about catching Covid, about going into hospital on their own and about having less routine contact with their midwife. In different parenting forums and on social media, expectant mums were discussing whether to miss appointments and scans because they were scared. This pandemic has caused a great deal of additional stress and anxiety and expectant women and their families. And, for some women, they were unable to get to appointments or to the hospital in …

What to say when a baby dies…

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Knowing what to say when a baby dies can feel really challenging because people don’t want to get it wrong and they don’t want to cause further upset. Every grieving parent is different so there isn’t an accurate guide on what to do or say when a baby dies. One of the biggest comments can be “I don’t know what to say” – in my experience, be honest and say that because it is better than saying nothing at all. What to say when a baby dies – some of the things that can help are: let parents talk about their baby. If they are talking about their baby, please let them and please do also talk about and mention their baby. Don’t ignore a baby’s existence because that hurts and grieving parents are already in so much pain. let parents cry – they need to cry, it helps to release some of the pain. And sometimes they will have no choice, they will have no control over it. Please don’t tell them to shush. …

babyloss

If your baby has just died

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If your baby has just died, I am so so sorry. There just aren’t enough words to do this loss justice but I wanted to write something I wish I had been able to read when my newborn son died 13 years ago. Everyone’s experience of loss and grief is different but if this is useful to just one grieving parent, then I’m glad I wrote it. If your baby has just died, there’s every chance you are feeling a combination of numb, shock, denial, anger, exhaustion and pain. The range of feeling can change quickly from hour to hour and its intensity might take your breath away. You might know why your baby died or it could have been completely without any warning, either way you could well be asking yourself why? why you? why your baby? Those early days and weeks can feel like the loneliest place in the world. I remember feeling like I was in a bubble, watching the world continue on as normal around me while mine had been shattered. …