Living with babyloss
It has been 14 years since he was born. 14 years since he arrived at speed and entered his short life filled with a medical world of tubes and surgery. In pregnancy there was never a moment where we didn’t consider giving him every chance but occasionally, on reflection, I do wonder if we did the right thing by him. Rightly or wrongly, giving him every chance has helped me deal with his death. I am writing this the night before his birthday when there should be party plans and last minute wrapping but there has never been any of this. We never got the chance to discover his personality, he never got the chance to be a pain in the arse for his two older sisters, I have never had any cuddles, kisses or I love yous from him. Losing a child has meant the deepest grief and pain, along with a guilt about how this has affected my other children who were raised by a mother who struggled with anxiety, depression and PTSD. …