All posts tagged: neonatal death

Surviving Babyloss

In the first few days and early weeks after my son died, I wished to feel normal again. I longed, not just for the pain to ease, but just to feel like myself again. It felt like I lived in a bubble, everyone around me was living their normal lives but I was in a very lonely, isolated bubble of vulnerability and pain. I have never felt pain like it – physical pain, mental pain that affected how much I could do, how much I could cope with, how much I could enjoy, how much I could focus on. I felt like I could break at any moment – each day was about forcing myself to get out of bed, to do something rather than just wallow; to do something rather than just desperately want my baby back. There was an aching in my arms for the baby I  couldn’t hold and a physical pain in my heart as it ached for what I had lost. In those early weeks I wasn’t sure how much …

life after babyloss

Life After Babyloss

Life after babyloss – in 2007  life changed forever. My baby boy, who was three days old , needed heart surgery to save his life. He had already had surgery when he was 6 hours old and he had been heavily medicated since then. The surgery was meant to be straight-forward but it was heart surgery on a tiny 3 day old baby, how straight-forward could it be? We went into intensive care early in the morning to see our tiny new boy and to speak to his surgical team. Due to the wires and equipment, I wasn’t able to cuddle him but I said my goodbyes. He opened his eyes and he smiled at me, despite his nurse saying he shouldn’t be able to be that responsive because of his meds. This was the last time I saw him alive and it’s a brief moment that will stay with me forever. Life after babyloss – living a happy life Life after losing a baby has been a challenge in so many ways, it’s hard …