God, I’m tired – this is nothing spectacular or special, most of us are tired and I’m sure we are all tired of being tired.
This is not a whinge, just an observation on being busy. I just don’t have the time and the energy to do everything I want to do.
On the whole I am incredibly happy – I do what I love, I live with people I love, I spend time with people I love and I am grateful for all of this and for health, for laughter and for my ability to enjoy cheap wine.
But the tiredness and the endless juggling is real. Some days I feel like I am doing it all brilliantly, I am on top of the load and on other days – like today – I feel like I am falling short.
I want to achieve more at work, to develop my little business but I have washing to do & floors to clean, kids to enjoy before they grow up and bugger off, a husband to spend time with and did I mention I am also tired? I want to believe I can have it all but, some days-weeks-months-years, trying to have it all is exhausting.
And so I cuddle the kid, rather than write and I enjoy that moment; I take my daughter out shopping, rather than work because we get to spend precious time together; I clean the house because it is isn’t going to clean itself; I organise and do to look after my family and I feel a sense of satisfaction when I tick the boxes on the list I have made. And I place what I need and want to do for me and for my work/my writing/my planning last, something to fit in when I have time; something to get up early to complete; something to put off until another day when I have more energy.
I am not at all unhappy, I am just tired. And sometimes I feel like I am failing.